Everyone Has A Shadow
by AJOregon
Summary: When pasts and present meet and friends become family.
1. Chapter 1

As soon as the Brett walked out the door I sank down against the wall and let the tears fall. I was scared to death today, one of my oldest friends was on life support, I was almost killed twice...and I realized I had no one...no one to go to when the whole world was crashing down around me, no family, no close friends...just acquaintances.

I was so lost in my own head I didn't see, or hear her come back in until I felt her hand on my arm. "Is there...is there anything I can do?" She asked me.

"No...no I'm fine." I said as I wiped my face quickly and stood up...too quickly...as I got dizzy and she pushed me into the chair.

"When is the last time you slept Jay?" She asked...obviously perceptive...but nosy.

"Couple days ago."

"Why haven't you slept?" Yup, definitely nosy.

"Some asshole put a bounty on my head...then all this." I said waving my arm around the room.

"You need to sleep...lack of sleep triggers PTSD symptoms." she started to lecture.

"What the hell do you know..."

"You were a soldier...now you are a cop...the way you were when she was shot...I could tell. Don't be mad...I just...I have seen what it can be like..."

"Sorry...I'm just..." I didn't know how to explain. Maddie was in the hospital because of me...maybe dying because of me.

"You want to stop by Molly's with me and then I can take you home? You shouldn't be driving."

"Sure." I said standing up, slower this time. She was right...about everything. "Thanks." I said as I climbed into her car.

She had been right about everyone being at Molly's...somehow everyone from 51 and intelligence had become linked...like one family. "One drink then head out?" She asked me as we walked up to the bar slowly making our way through the crowd.

"Sounds good." I answered. I got my drink then walked over to Antonio and Atwood and sat down. I updated them on Maddie's condition and we all went on drinking. When Brett walked over to me a little while later I remembered that I couldn't go home and I started to panic a little.

She saw something in me...it was freaky how perceptive she was and put her hand on my shoulder. She said something to Atwood and he took Antonio home And it was just the two of us left at the table. "Talk to me Jay." Damn perceptive women...always wanting me to talk when that is the whole problem...everyone I allow to get close to me ends up hurt...or dead.

"I can't go back to my place." I told her...I figured I might as well go with the truth since she could read me like a damn book anyway.

"I've got room at mine." She said pushing me off the stool and towards the door. I felt so lost...this kid, that I hardly knew somehow had gotten more out of me without me saying anything than most people got in the years of knowing me, except Erin...Erin knew...but I couldn't let her get hurt...I could not lose her too.

"Sorry." I mumbled. I know she heard me, and I could tell she wanted to say something but she held her tongue. I was shocked when she pulled up to her house, doubly shocked when we went inside and I saw how nice it was.

"Guest room is upstairs on the left. My rooms on the right and the bathroom is at the end of the hall." She said as she shrugged off her jacket and went into the kitchen. I made my way up the stairs and went into the bedroom.

I sat down on the edge of the bedroom and got lost in my own thoughts. "Jay?" She said snapping me back to reality, "here are some sweats and a toothbrush. Towels and everything are in the bathroom." I nodded my head and she walked out closing the door behind her. I changed into the sweats and then went to finish in the bathroom.

When I was walking out of the bathroom she came out of her bedroom in her pink polka dotted pajamas with a matching bright pink tank top, "I am just across the hall if you need anything. Sweet dreams." She told me. She reminded me of the Care-bears cartoon that Allie used to watch...too happy, perky...perceptive. I went in and laid down on the bed and closed my eyes falling asleep almost instantly.

I woke up in a cold sweat, panicked and crying. I felt her hand on my shoulder and heard her whisper that I was safe which of course only made me cry harder. The dreams had started again...Allie's brother...my family...the war...Maddie. I grabbed onto her hand and squeezed it to my chest. She slowly sat down on the edge of the bed. "You back with me now?" She asked. I didn't trust my voice and just nodded. "None of the stuff you have been through is your fault."

She sat on the bed with my while I caught my breath and calmed my heart. "Jay do you have anyone you want me to call for you?" I wanted Erin...it was late though and I didn't want to put all of this on her...it was bad enough that Brett was seeing me this fucked up. But God...I wanted Erin. "I can call Lindsay if you give me your phone." I didn't say anything, just looked towards the night stand where my phone was sitting.

She picked it up and I saw her go into the contacts looking for her only to look back at me with a confused look. "Wendy...her number is saved as Wendy." I told her before laying back down on the bed trying to bury my head in the pillow. I could hear them talking and I heard Brett give her address before hanging up.

"I didn't picture you as a Disney kinda guy. Cute." She said handing me back my phone. When I didn't say anything she continued, "Has she ever seen you like this Jay?" Again I ignored her, "If you won't open up to me you need to with her...you cannot keep your terrors in...you need to let them out to move past them." She put her hand on my arm I could tell she felt slightly uncomfortable with the intimacy of my breakdown but she still stayed, she was so unsure of herself...it made me wonder what happened to her. Something had to have happened to her.

I could hear Erin call out when she came into the house and Brett told her we were upstairs. She ran into the bedroom and stopped at the edge of the bed, talking to Brett she asked, "What the hell happened?"

I fazed out while she told her all about the hospital, her coming back in to find me sitting on the floor...this was it...Erin was going to either stay or run the other direction...for her sake I hoped that she would run...I am too messed up to do her any good.

I felt Brett get up and heard the door close behind her and Erin climbed onto the bed and laid down next to me and rested her hand on my back, then she reached her hand up under my shirt and she began to scratch my back. "Jay...talk to me. We are partners."

Partners...partners that comfort each other one minute and run away at the first sign of intimacy. "She took a bullet that was meant for me." I said feeling my body start to shake.

"The doctor said she was going to be in the ICU for a couple days and then be fine though. What happened was not your fault."

"You could have gotten hurt...or killed too." I said turning my head to look at her.

I saw the change in her eyes when she saw my tear stained face, "Don't hide from me...please." She said reaching her hand to my side and pulling me towards her. Could I be that vulnerable? I wanted so badly to have her hold me...to make me feel safe, even if it was just temporary but everyone I get close to gets hurt...I couldn't let her get hurt.

I felt her get up and she turned on the small bedside lamp and turned off the overhead light and kicked off her shoes and climbed into the bed, "I have had a shitty ass day and I came all the way over here because she said you needed me and now you are ignoring me...just like she did...after I was stupid enough to go to the damned wedding."

"Huh?" I said rolling over closer to her, "Whose wedding?"

"Bunny's."

"Your Mom?"

"If you can call her that..."

"I was with Hank when I got Brett's call."

"You went to see your Dad...so he knows you are here with me...great..." I said...I sure hoped I had a job in the morning.

"He cares about you too you know...all of us do." I felt the tears forming in my eyes again and I know she saw them, "We love you Jay...I love you." She whispered. I buried myself into her and held on as if my life depended on it...because truth be told it did. I needed her more than I needed oxygen. Erin Lindsay was my lifeline.

"Tell me about your demons...you shouldn't be scared of your shadow." She whispered as she held me into her and gently pulled the hair on the back of my head.

"Allie's brother...Lonnie...I see him dead every time I close my eyes...if I would have been home I could have...but I was overseas...I got to come home because of it...they were the closest thing I had to family...Allie and I...we were...and then he was killed...and everything changed... my parents...both of them died before I even graduated...and then over there...I saw them all...one by one...blown up, shot, tortured...everyone I get close to dies Erin...Everyone. Tonight when I saw Maddie laying behind the bar...it was just too much..." I rambled, my chest getting tighter with each word. It was hard to breathe and I felt the room closing in on me.

I felt her arms get tighter around me, I felt her breathing on me, I heard her heart beating, then I heard her voice, "_When there's a smile in your heart  
><em> _There's no better time to start __Think of all the joy you'll find __When you leave the world behind __And bid your fears good bye __You can fly, you can fly, you can fly!_" I breathed in when she breathed out, my heart beat slowed to match hers. As she sang the song, whispered so only I could hear it I felt myself relax into her. "_Stay awake, don't rest your head Don't lie down upon your bed While the moon drifts in the skies Stay awake, don't close your eyes Though the world is fast asleep Though your pillow's soft and deep You're not sleepy as you seem Stay awake, don't nod and dream_"

"Mary Poppins?" I mumbled into her chest as I felt my head sink further into her.

"You are safe here Jay. If you trust me then go to sleep. We can figure out the real world together tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Authors Note: Ugh I am totally obsessed with this season...the personalities and character development and relationship development is AMAZING! Every time I get an idea in my head I start writing and come up with an even better one... I wish this show was on every day of the year!**_

I woke up three times that night...each time Erin was there and I was able to fall back asleep. I did not remember a time where I had woken from a nightmare and had even been able to fall back asleep. She was my lifeline. When her alarm finally went off at seven I knew she had not had a very good night sleep, but I had slept more in that one night with her than I had in years. She did not complain about being tired when we were at work, though I could tell that she was. We did not talk about anything that had happened the night before at all during the day. I know she wanted to ask me questions but I also had a feeling that she was worried what the answers may be if she did ask. To be honest I was scared of some of the answers myself.

When Voight finally let us go for the night Erin caught me on my way out, "We are going to go by your apartment and you are staying with me like you had asked." She drove me by the apartment and helped me back up the essentials and then we drove around town getting random fast food from ten or so different places before we finally went back to her place.

Her apartment felt like home to me, a safe haven. Even though I had stayed there before...this time felt completely different. Erin was my partner, she was not my girlfriend, not my wife, hell technically she wasn't even really a friend. We knew very little about each other and yet somehow the one place I felt safe was with her. I guess that was good though, we were partners in one of the most dangerous jobs around...we were suppose to trust each other, feel safe with each other. Somehow it felt like more than that though.

"Jay, if you are going to stay with me I need you to talk to me. Tell me things...details, even if you think I do not want to hear them. I need to. Last night when I got the call from Brett...I thought something had happened to you, that you had been shot or something. I figured you had gone to check on Maddie but when she called... it took all I had not to completely freak out. All the stuff with Ben dying and you going after Lonnie...and whatever you went through in the Army... if it still affects you I want to hear about it. Details. Everything."

"I cant." I whispered.

"You don't have to tell me everything all at once...but you need to start talking to me."

"You don't talk to me about all of your...uhh...your past."

"Well maybe that needs to change too...this week with everything, my mom..."

"Your Mom? I thought you hadn't seen her in like ten years."

"Yah...that...that is what I am talking about. We are partners and we dont know shit about each other. My mom called last week...she got married today...she wanted to show me off to her new guy and whatever and I thought...I really thought she was going to change so I went...and he is so nice...but my mom... Hank is my family."

"How did you end up living with him?"

"I was thirteen...him and Camille took me in after he had to arrest her...he helped me to get clean, get my life straight and then when Camille got sick..."

"You tried to help with Justin...and tried to be there for Voight."

"He shut off his emotions...cut off Justin and me...his whole personality changed..."

"But when Nick was killed..."

"I get it...but why are you guys both so secretive about everything?"

"Both of us just suck with emotional stuff Jay...as if that wasn't obvious enough."

"You...thank you for coming last night."

"Why didn't you ask me to go with you to see Maddie?"

"I haven't had anyone care what I did...or had anyone to turn to other than Allie...and she moved away years ago...she is the only person who had ever seen me cry before I think..."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Good. I trust you too."

"Erin, I need you and that scares the shit out of me."

"Jay you are the closest thing I have had to a friend since...well, you are the closest thing I have had to a friend...it scares me sometimes too. To let anyone get close to me. Hank has been the only consistent thing in my life and even that..."

"God we are so fucked up."

"Do you have PTSD?"

"Ya...don't you?"

"I guess...but I haven't seen the kinds of things you have I dont think."

"The war stuff is nothing...losing Ben...that is what kills me...I was there with them through all of it...and then when Maddie took that bullet...fuck. I cant lose anyone else that I care about...I don't exactly have many people on that list."

"When you went with JP... I think I had a heart attack." She said with tears pooling in her eyes.

"I had to get him Erin..he almost killed Maddie...you...it has to end now. I did what I had to do."

"When is the last time you slept through the night?"

"Too long ago to remember."

"How did you end up at Brett's?"

"She was at the hospital...then we went by Molly's...I couldn't go home and she said she had room."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Figured you were with Severide or something."

"Brett said you were crying on the floor in Chicago Med." I looked up at her wondering where she was heading with this But I did not say anything. "You don't need to do everything by yourself. You have a family." Again I didn't say anything, "If I would have been with Kelly I would have left if you had called..."

"I don't know how to act around you Erin... At work is one thing...that I have no problem with but after...you are my partner but I don't know what that means...I don't know what I want it to mean."

"Then just stop thinking about it." She said getting up and walking into her bedroom leaving me sitting on the couch. I flopped down and kicked off my shoes and put my arm over my eyes.

The next thing I knew I woke up with the TV on an old episode of MASH and my head was resting in her lap with her fingers absentmindedly running through my hair. I laid there with my eyes closed and reveled in her touch a few moments longer until I shifted on the couch to turn and watch the show. "You look so young when you are relaxed." She whispered, thinking out loud.

I looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was after ten, "how long ago did you come back out here?" I never just fall asleep and I certainly do not sleep through someone lifting my head to their lap...what was happening to me?

"This is the third episode...why?"

"No reason." I lied, and sat up, missing her touch immediately.

"I should have woken you up." She stated turning sideways on the couch to face me. "Does it really freak you out that much?"

"I have never trusted anyone in my sleep..." I told her.

"Well I guess that is good for me then." She said grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch and covering herself with it and laying her head on my lap, "now shhh I love this episode."

We sat in silence watching the shows until she fell asleep, she curled herself into me and I reached forward and shut off the tv and lifted her up and carried her into her bedroom. When I laid her down on the bed she wrapped her hand around mine, "stay."

I looked down at her hand around mine then up to her eyes, "stay." She repeated. I nodded my head suddenly nervous. She let go of my hand and I walked to the other side of the bed and crawled in. She rolled over to face me and I rolled onto my side to match. "Close your eyes." She whispered in her gravely voice. I stared into her eyes for a few seconds before taking a deep calming breath and closing them. I felt her fingers tracing my face, the electrical impulses relaxing each millimeter she touched. She locked one of her hands with mine and traced everywhere she could reach with the other. I fell asleep with her love running through her fingers into my body. I woke up with the sun streaming through the curtains, her hand was still in mine. Six in the morning, I do not remember the last time I slept that long, I rolled towards her and kissed her once on the forehead, "Gotta get up before we are late."


	3. Chapter 3

Jay and the rest of the team walked in to see Erin bent over crying as Hank held her close to his chest. Erin sat up, trying to wipe away her tears. Voight quickly dismissed everyone and they all just assumed looking at the photos had gotten to her but Jay refused to leave. He knew his partner and knew how much it took to make her cry... just looking at the pictures...he knew it was more than that. He walked over so he was behind her chair and looked down at what she had been looking at, "Oh God...is that your brother?"

Erin nodded her head, "Halstead you and Lindsay are partnered on this one.". Voight told him, "the two of you are closer than I thought if you recognize Teddy from that photo." He mumbled as an afterthought. He saw Jay put his hand on her shoulder and saw her instinctively lean against his arm, "I am going to get this sent off to NYPD." He said collecting the photos in the file and carrying them into his office.

"I should have protected him..." Erin mumbled so quietly that Jay hardly heard her. "I need to find him."

"He left when you guys were kids Erin...this is not your fault...you were a kid...you didn't know..." Jay tried to comfort her.

Voight came out of his office ten minutes later, "They are looking into it Kid...we keep doing our thing here until we hear back." He told her.

"No...he is in New York...I am going to go there and find him." Erin argued.

"Do it the right way then. Call NYPD in the morning and arrange it with them. Jay you are going with her and you keep her safe." Voight ordered.

"Always Sarg." Jay answered. "I will go get our bags packed up and meet you back here in a couple hours." Jay told Lindsay as he squeezed her shoulder before walking out.

"He has a key?" Voight looked at her sideways.

"Dont start Hank." Erin scowled.

"Since when?"

"Since Maddie was shot...the whole bounty thing..."

"You told him about Teddy?"

"He saw a picture."

"He better take care of you on this one." Hank told her.

"This one will remind him of Ben..."

"Who?"

"Lonnie..."

"Oh...shit. Antonio should go then."

"Not a chance in hell." Erin answered as she crossed her arms. "I need Jay for this."

Jay got back to twenty-one at ten and found Erin still at her desk staring at the photos. Hank was standing at the top of the stairs watching her. "You need to get her out of here." Hank told him when he walked past dropping their bags by his desk.

"Take her to Molly's get her to sleep anything...just make her stop staring at that picture." Hank said with desperation. "I should have looked out for him too...he went with his dad for a while...and then Camille got sick...I lost track of him...figured he was fine...his dad wasn't perfect but he was stable..."

Jay nodded and went over to Erin. He grabbed the photo from her hand and flipped the folder shut and slid it across the desk. She glared up at him and he knew she was fighting back tears. "Come on." He whispered reaching out his hand to her. Hank expected a fight but she took his hand and allowed him to lead her away from the desk. He grabbed his jacket from his desk and tossed it at her. She shrugged it on and pulled it tight around her with a deep breath, savoring the scent from her partner that was on it from the last time he wore it. Hank shook his head, Jay noticed and smirked. "Be here at eight. I am taking you to the airport myself.

He took her straight to Molly's where Gabby had handed him the bottle of scotch and a beer for himself. They stayed, sitting in silence as the bar emptied out and they closed up shop. He led her out of the bar and took her back to his place. She followed blindly into his bedroom where he tossed her a pair of his gym shorts and a TShirt. He left her alone while he went into the bathroom to get himself ready for bed. He set out an Advil and glass of water. They silently traded places a couple minutes later. A routine they had gotten used to on their nights off. They crawled into bed and he pulled her into him. She grabbed onto his side, fingers digging into his skin. "Sleep Linds. Please. We need fresh eyes tomorrow." he told her. Five minutes later he felt her grip on him loosen and felt her relax into him.

He closed his eyes and slept, waking each time she moved, and eventually at six-thirty. He got up and jumped in the shower. He pulled out Erin's spare clothes from his dresser and left them on the counter. "Your turn." He told her when he walked back into the room finding her awake. She smiled at him, thankful to have such an amazing best friend.

When she walked into the bathroom and saw that he had even set out her clothes tears came to her eyes. She had been there for him with Maddie, but he was always there for her...and as hard as this case was for her because of Teddy she knew it was just as hard for him because of Ben. This one they needed to be there for each other or neither of them would make it.

Three hours later they were sitting next to each other on an overcrowded flight, Jay by the window and Erin in the middle seat, an older lady sat in the isle knitting, completely obvious to everyone else on the plane. There hands brushed several times in the arm rest before Jay took her hand in his, "We will find him." He whispered. She leaned forward and flipped up the armrest before pulling Jay's arm around her resting her head on his shoulder.

"Promise me Jay...he is my little brother...I can't..."

"I will do everything I can Erin...but you need to let them do their jobs...they work different than we do...and you need to try to take a back seat on this..." He felt Erin nod her head. He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt and he pulled her closer to him, he leaned his head onto hers and stared into the seat back in front of him.

He knew that as soon as the plane landed she would put her walls back up and act like everything was fine. That was the one thing he hated about her, and Voight. He did not know how they could hide away their emotions like they did. "When we get there we will drop our bags at the hotel and go right to the station."

Erin snuggled a little closer into Jay as they flew from Chicago to Manhattan. She wasn't ready to face this reality and she was thankful that it would be with him. He never questioned her and always seemed to know what she was thinking, what she needed. "Promise me you wont try to hug me in front of anyone...I don't think I will be able to hold it together if you do." She said as she sat up, both of them immediately missing the warmth. Jay nodded his head and took her hand back in his. "I have to find my brother Jay. No matter what."

"If you want me to promise you that I need you to promise me that you will come to me when it gets to be too much."

She sat in silence staring at his hand holding hers as the plane landed. "I can do that." She told him as they opened the cabin doors to let the passengers off the plane.

They blindly made their way out of the airport, hailed a cab and dropped their things at the hotel before walking the three blocks to the police station. They were ushered up to the SVU where they were immediately read into the updates. Jay kept stealing looks at Erin using all his strength not to hold her in his arms. They were talking about her little brother for God's sake...john does and needing her dna...he did not know where she was drawing her strength from but it scared him to death. Seeing the photos...the videos made him sick to his stomach. Each one reminded him of Ben...each of the creeps on the other end of the computer screen reminded him of Lonnie.

Olivia sent them to the hotel around midnight to get some sleep. They wouldn't talk to the people at the youth shelter until morning anyway. They stopped at a McDonald's and ate in silence before making their way to the hotel. They each got ready for bed in silence, Erin smiling when she saw that Jay had packed her his sweats and Blackhawks tee.

When it came time to get into bed they both completely ignored the fact that the room had two beds, they crawled in next to each other and Erin laid her head on his chest. Jay held her close and fell asleep as soon as his cheek found its spot leaning into her forehead.

They woke up in the same position. Erin's phone was ringing and Jay reached over and picked it up. "Halstead."

"Where is Erin?" He heard Voight growl.

"Right next to me...sleeping." Jay answered with a smirk.

He softened his tone, "So help me Jay..."

"Benson sent us back after midnight. They we're going to check the youth shelter this morning...we are just waiting for the call to go back in."

"Have Erin call me once you hear something. Take care of yourselves." He said hanging up the phone. He knew that Voight was dying not being able to be here for Erin and he was more than likely pissed off thinking that the two of them were in New York playing house. Jay knew that was not the case though, him and Erin may be soul mates but neither was ready for a relationship. Erin was there for him and he was going to be there for her. Always.

To know that Erin's brother was a victim in all of this made his heart ache. Jay knew that Voight had talked to Olivia Benson and warned her to protect Erin and knew that she was not going to let her be the one to find her brother, he was surprised that she had him go later that night. He was nervous to leave her alone but she had assured him she was fine and just wanted her brother.

He wandered the street with Rollins questioning everyone, showing Teddy's photo around, until he heard it, that laugh, it was the same as Erin's. He could tell immediatly they had found him. When they walked up to him and he danced around he couldn't help but chuckle. Teddy was higher than a kite and one hot mess but he reminded Jay of Erin when she was drunk.

At first he tried to fight going to the station, but Jay talked him into it, Teddy instantly trusted Jay. Something in him knew he would be safe with him...and he hadn't felt safe in a very long time.

When they walked into the station together Erin jumped up and ran towards them. They watched as Erin looked at her brother head to toe. Jay heard her say something but it didn't register. He smiled at his partner, knowing the relief she felt just to have him alive. Teddy saw the smile his sister sent back to him and realized why he trusted him.

Erin did not trust easily and she trusted Jay. The siblings had always been on point in that way, regarding closely to instinct. Teddy saw more than trust though, he saw the love they had for each other. He wanted to find love like that too...he thought he was too far gone for that though. Erin had gotten lucky, Teddy immediately shut down, he wanted to fall into his sisters arms but he couldn't. She had her life together, he couldn't ruin that for her.

Teddy watched how Jay interacted with Erin and was thankful she had him. He saw sadness in his eyes though too mad was not sure what the cause was...he knew it had nothing to do with him though.

Jay was finally able to talk Erin into going back to the hotel around two. With strict instructions to call as soon as they had some sort of news. No one had been able to get anything out of Teddy and while their first mission was to get her brother back, now they needed to get the pervs who did this to him.

They were both laying in bed staring at the tv lost in their own thoughts, "Jay...do you think we will get them?" Erin whispered as she rolled to face him.

"Yes." Jay answered without hesitation.

"I have a bad feeling about this case."

"Me too...we will get through it together though." He said closing his eyes. He felt Erin put her hand on his and held it close as he drifted off.

It was torturous for Jay to watch Erin interigate Teddy. When they were finally done Jay welcomed the escape to the youth center. He was not expecting the foot chase or Erin getting plowed down by the damn bicycle though. She told him she was fine...but when he turned back around he saw that she was still on the ground...then as she stood he saw something was obviously wrong...he ran to her just in time to keep her from crashing back to the street.

He rode with her to the hospital where they said she had a concussion...he laughed when she tried to argue with the doctor to let her go and not admit her...even trying to bribe her way out of the hospital. When she kicked Jay out for laughing at her he went out to the hallway to call Voight.

"How the hell did you let her get a concussion? You are with her to protect her dammit." Voight screamed in the phone at the same time Erin started yelling at the doctor.

"As you can hear from the background she very much thinks she is just fine...nothing is broken...she just hit her head when she got knocked over by the bike...she doesn't even have a scratch on her." Jay explained trying not to laugh.

"I am on the next flight Halstead. Do not let her leave...even if you have to cuff her to the damn bed."

"Got it boss." He said hanging up the phone and walking back into Erin's room to try and rescue the doctor.

He sat with her in the room, she was royally pissed when he had told her that Hank was on his way and had been giving him the silent treatment for the last four hours. "How can I help if I am stuck in this bed?" She whispered as she flipped on the news.

"Let everyone else do their jobs Linds...we are a team...we got Teddy...focus on that."

"What about the other kids though Jay...they are still out there."

Erin saw Jay's exterior slink down in the chair, she was reminded of just how hard this case was on him... "Jay..." she started.

"Lonnie was just a perv stalker...Ben was murdered but he wasn't ever recorded..."

"Doesn't matter." Erin told him scooting herself over in the bed. "Will you come sit with me?" She asked him with a flirty smile.

Jay climbed into the bed with her and she rested her head on his shoulder. "This has been a crazy year."

"The year isn't over yet."

"Will you still be here when it is?"

"Jay...I am still thinking about it...I don't think I could do it...this team...you are my family."

"It is a good opportunity."

"I know." She said as she picked up the remote and found a movie-Bad Boys 2-to watch while she was stuck in bed.

Halfway through the movie Erin felt Jay's head getting heavy against hers and she moved her head, waking him up, he looked at her and she smiled and signaled for him to scoot down in the bed and he curled his back into her side and she wrapped her right arm around his shoulders and across his chest. He leaned his head against her shoulder and dropped his left leg over the side of the bed. She hugged him into her and inhaled the scent of his shampoo and hair gel. When she felt his head getting heavy again she gently kissed the back of his head. She couldn't help but smile, Jay was always so rough and tough, except when he was sleeping. She loved the feeling she had holding him in her arms, taking care of each other. They were partners with every sense of the word. She knew in her heart she could never leave him to go work anywhere else...it didn't matter how amazing of an opportunity another job may be.

When Voight walked into the room he saw Erin holding Jay as he slept and couldn't help but chuckle. Erin was the one who was IN the hospital and Jay was the one sleeping, with her protecting him. Everything about her posture, how she was holding him, it was full on protection mode. He cleared his throat as he walked through the door. Erin held her finger up to her lips to shh their boss, her dad.

"Not gonna run on me?" Voight whispered as he kissed Erin on the forehead.

She nodded her head and he saw her hug Jay a little closer to him, allowing his head to slide down her chest, in his sleep he turned his body and wrapped his left arm around her waist. She bent her knee up to help support the weight of him that was now on her as he slept. She had never see him this relaxed, usually the slightest noise woke him up.

She looked back up at Voight, "I am good here." She smiled.

"I can see that Kid." He said smiling at her. "I am going to go check in with Olivia then I will be back here. You are going to go home when they release you."

"I am fine Hank." Erin started to argue, tensing up and interrupting Jay's sleep.

"Not open for discussion...send him into the office when he wakes up." He said before kissing her forehead and walking out.

An hour later Jay woke up when the nurse came in to check on Erin. He smiled sheepishly at her before sitting himself back up, he couldn't ever remember sleeping that well. "Hank said to go to SVU when you wake up." She told him with a smirk, "and that I am getting sent home as soon as I get out of here."

"He was here?" Jay questioned as his cheeks got a tinge of pink.

"Yes Sleeping Beauty. He was going to check in and said to send you down there when you woke up."

"Why didn't you wake me up?" He asked her as he stood up and stretched.

"You are kidding right?"

"I promise I wont run...just go and see what is up and call me. I hate not knowing...and I love that you are my partner." Erin told him, he rolled his eyes and walked out of the room.

He went to the station and got his updates, called Erin, found out she could go home in the morning, he watched as Voight and Olivia arrested Bob Clinton. He sat with Teddy, answered as many questions for him about Erin as he could, and asked several in return but received very vague answers in return. He went to the hotel and packed up her stuff and brought it to the hospital. He stayed there with her and took her to the airport as soon as they released her. "I will be on the next flight. I will make sure Teddy has a ticket in his hand and get our paperwork finished up and then I will be home." He promised her as he watched her walk through the gates.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Authors Note:<br>**_

_**Please comment...I am totally in love with this season and could write for days! That is...if I had time! I hope this LONG chapter will hold you over. I have an outline for the next three already in the works! Please comment with what you think-good and bad! Constructive please if it is leaning towards the bad. I love writing but do not feel like I am very good at it. **_


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as Erin was out of view Jay turned around and sat in the closest chair and put his head in his hands, he felt like he was on the verge of having a panic attack. If Erin was not okay then he had no chance of being okay. He wanted more than anything to be going home with her but he knew they still had work to do, and he still had to talk Teddy into going back to Chicago. He had to be strong for her so that she could be strong for him. Partners. In everything. Erin, on the other side of the gate looked back and saw Jay with a lost look sit down on a chair and put his head in his hands, with tears in her eyes she said a silent prayer to give them both strength and she forced herself to walk to her awaiting flight back home.

From her seat on the plane she pulled out her phone. "Some people care too much. I think it is called love. Pooh on you Halstead." When Jay pulled out his phone he couldn't help but smile.

"If there ever comes a day when we cant be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever." He sent back quickly before standing up and heading back to find his best friend's little brother.

* * *

><p>Teddy was asleep in the break room when he walked back into the office, he went in there and sat down on the couch next to hiM, closing the door behind him. He missed the closeness of Erin, knowing she was still on a plane and he was at a heightened alert while dragging...panic and exhaustion...a fun mix to have. Until he was with Erin again he knew it would only get worse. He had to get his job done and get home to her. Teddy slowly opened his eyes and seeing who it was moved closer and put his head against his leg. "My sister loves you. I can see why." He sarcastically flirted with his sisters partner.<p>

"Okay Teddy...and I totally see how similar you and your sister are...you both have the same messed up sense of humor." Jay said with a smirk. He had enjoyed the last couple days getting to know the more personal side of Erin, and Teddy. Their time in New York had not been all work thankfully.

"You love her for it." He said sitting up straight and looking directly at Jay.

"I do." Jay agreed. "She needs you to go back to Chicago Teddy." He told him with a sad smile.

"There is nothing there for me Jay." Teddy said sadly, leaning into him for comfort this time, he was so lost...with no one...a feeling all too familiar. Jay put his arm around Teddy's shoulder.

"You have family there." Jay told him.

"Who? Erin? She has a good life there...I don't want to ruin that for her."

"She isn't the only one who cares about you." Jay said looking down at Teddy, seeing the tears in his eyes Jay pulled Teddy into his side. "You need to go back to Chicago."

"I don't know if I can." Teddy whispered.

"You need to be strong for Erin...she needs you to go home."

"Will you be there?"

"Anytime you need."

"Why is this so personal for you...Erin said something about your brother getting killed...was he in this too?"

"No...well...he was murdered by a pedophile..." Jay said trying to force back the tears that always came when he thought about Ben.

"Guess we are all pretty fucked up around here..." Teddy said pulling back from Jay. "Erin really wants me to go back?" He asked unsure of himself.

"She already bought you a ticket." Jay said tucking it and a cell phone into Teddy's jacket pocket. "Erin will pick you up from the airport, the phone has Erin and Voight's numbers."

"And yours?"

"And mine." Jay said smiling and dropping his arm.

"Why do you seem like you want to lay down and start crying right now?" Teddy asked Jay with tears in his own eyes.

"Because right now I do." Jay answered honestly. He didn't know why it was so easy to talk to Teddy...he had just met him...

"So why don't you?"

"I don't know if I would be able to stop."

"Erin is on the plane now...you usually talk to her about this stuff." He mused.

"She has seen me at my worst." Jay admitted.

"And you have seen me at mine." Teddy told him, "I don't know how to get back in the real world...and if I go back to Chicago that is what I have to do."

"We can help you."

"I wont be able to forget what happened."

"No...but you can move on and make a difference to kids who are in similar situations to what you guys went through." Jay suggested.

"I never graduated."

"So you can go to school and volunteer with kids in the system. Maybe spending time with them can help you move to the future. Show the kids that their is light at the end of the tunnel or something."

"No one in their right mind would let me anywhere near a kid right now...not after the things I have done."

"Teddy you were a victim in this...we will help get you into counseling if you want to do that or if you don't we will always be here for you to talk to us."

"I will think about it Jay...this is...I am scared."

"We are going to end this Teddy. Voight won't rest until we do...I can promise you that."

"He always did have a weird attachment to Erin...gave his wife a daughter she couldn't have...whatever happened to her? The last time a I saw Erin the two of them had been shopping for new clothes or shoes or something...

"She died."

"When?"

"Few years ago. Cut him some slack...he is a different guy now than he was...a lot of that is because of Erin."

"Right...maybe...I am a little jaded of the New York scene." Teddy smirked.

"Please for the love of God get on that plane tomorrow." Jay said standing up and walking out of the break room leaving Teddy alone again.

* * *

><p>When Jay went back to check on him before he flew out he was already gone. He sent a quick text to Teddy, "The past can hurt. But the way I see it you can either run from it, or learn from it." Ten seconds later he received a response, "I didn't picture you for a Disney guy. See you soon." Relief washed over him and he knew Teddy wouldn't let him down even if he was scared. Jay said his goodbyes as he handed over all his paperwork to Amaro before catching a cab for his flight home. He couldn't wait to get back to his partner.<p>

He switched on his phone a few hours later only to find multiple texts and voice-mails. One of their officers had been shot and killed, Voight was now on his way back with Amaro and Rollins and Adam knew the officer who had been gunned down. Instead of calling Erin he hopped in the first cab he saw and flashed his badge and got a quick ride back to the station where he ran upstairs and straight into her arms. "Platt..and Adam are really messed up over this Jay...and Teddy...he will never come back if he hears about this..."

"He will come back...just give him time." Jay told her with his secret smile. Erin relaxed at that and brought him quickly up to speed. The next couple days flew by, none of them went home, they worked around the clock, napping while they were waiting on results or phone calls to come in.

Once Erin found out that Teddy had been in the foster care system they quickly found Amy, who latched onto Erin. They had saved another kid...working to save Chris. Jay watched as Erin fought with Voight to let her bring Amy home with her. Of course he agreed...he didn't know how to say no to her. He went back to his apartment for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. It felt cold and empty until he found a stack of Disney movies next to the tv. He grabbed the top one on the stack and put it on for background noise. When Aladdin ended he picked up his phone and called her.

When she answered he could hear the end of Peter Pan in the background, "She just fell asleep." Erin told him. "I still haven't heard from Teddy...or my mom."

"He will come Erin...give him time." Jay told her again.

"How are you holding up with this?"

"As long as you are okay then I am okay." He told her.

"I am not okay with this Jay."

"Then I guess we are just fucked then."

"When this is over..."

"One day Erin."

"You owe me a movie." Erin told him, he could hear the smile return to her voice.

"Jungle Book seems fitting."

"I was not raised in a jungle."

"Really? Cuz I don't see Voight..."

"Goodnight Jay." Erin said laughing as she hung up on him. He went into his bedroom and laid down to sleep, before he could sleep though he sent Teddy another text, "Everyone has a shadow."

This time it took twenty minutes to receive a response. This time Teddy called him instead of texting. "She has our Mother looking for me." Teddy spit out.

"I think she has the whole world looking for you right now."

"I will call her tomorrow. I am scared Jay...really scared."

"Where are you right now?" Jay asked him.

"Just walking...I don't exactly have anywhere to go."

"Come over here." Jay told him, quickly giving him his address. Less than ten minutes later Jay heard the knocking at the door. "Hey Teddy." He said as he opened it. Teddy practically fell towards him, he was crying so hard he could barely breathe and he was shaking from the cold. Jay led him to the couch where he wrapped one of the many blankets Erin had left around his shoulders. He flipped the tv back on and restarted the movie.

A few minutes later he heard that laugh, the Lindsay laugh, "Really?" Teddy asked him nodding towards the movie.

"Makes everything happier." Jay said seriously.

"Does Erin know I am here?"

"Did you see me call her?"

"Will you let me do it my way tomorrow?"

"First thing Teddy. This has been killing her."

"And you."

"Don't pretend like you know everything." Jay said throwing a pillow at him. "How much younger than her are you?" He asked already knowing the answer.

"You've gotta love the baby brother." He said smiling.

"Go to sleep Teddy." Jay said getting up to go into his room.

"Thanks Jay." He said yawning and laying down to watch the movie.

The next morning Jay woke up Teddy with a cup of coffee and stack of pancakes, "See you in a few hours." Teddy nodded looking nervous. "Life will be good here Teddy. You've got family here." Jay told him before tossing him a key and running out the door.

* * *

><p>Jay sat waiting impatiently at the station for Erin to come in, it seemed like he was the only one who even noticed her missing. Adam was too focused on finding the shooter, Kevin was down working in the computer lab and Antonio was either on the phone arguing with Laura or on the phone with a lawyer... Al was sitting back at his desk staring at the wall. They all knew she was with Amy. Jay was nervous about Teddy actually following through...he hoped it would happen sooner than later but he did not know.<p>

He was glad when they had a break and him and Antonio had to go out...even if it would just be a quick check on Matilda. When they found her dead everything went to a blur...the foot chase on the roof. Watching him fall to his death, seeing Adam drop to his knees in tears when he did. Jay nodded to Hank and went to deal with Adam. "He killed Ross." Adam choked out when Jay crouched down to his level.

"He cant hurt anyone else now." Jay told him laying a heavy arm on his shoulder. "Lets get back to the station..."

"I need to tell Jenny." Adam told him as he wiped his eyes. "She asked me to keep her updated..."

"Call her now then before word gets out." Jay told him.

He watched as Adam called his friends wife, listened to the sobs on the other end of the line. A promise from Adam that he would be there as soon as he could. Jay didn't think anyone on the team realized how close Ross and Adam had been, he certainly didn't. They never really talked about home life...they had been a bit more the last few months but never anything serious.

"With all the time we spend together we sure don't know much about each other." Jay mused after Adam hung up the phone.

"Would be nice if that changed...try being the new guy."

"None of us have worked together that long..."

"I've never lost a friend before."

"It doesn't get easier." Jay mumbled. "You ready to head back?"

"I'll be down in a minute." Adam told him. He nodded and went downstairs to join Voight.

* * *

><p>By the time they got back to the station everyone was mentally and physically exhausted. They felt they had reached a dead end and that just was. It okay with anyone in Intelligence. Antonio kept looking at Adam and back to the photo of Jules with tears in his eyes. Adam looked completely lost, a cross between devastated and pissed off. Al was back to staring at the wall...Jay wished for five minutes he could read his mind.<p>

When he turned around he saw Erin coming up the steps with Teddy and he couldn't help but smile. He was sure he looked insane when everyone else was so glum but he couldn't help it. Erin was his light and now that Teddy was back he knew she was going to be okay...which meant he was going to be okay.

"How's it going Teddy?" Jay asked with a smirk as Erin left him at her desk.

"Oh you know." He answered with a small smile. Jay smiled and relaxed back at his desk. He watched Teddy look around, take in the life that his sister had made for herself. When his eyes settled on the board and he saw the picture... "Oh my God..." His arm pointed, uncontrolled in response to what he was seeing.

"What?" Jay asked jumping up and going towards Teddy.

"That's him...that's the guy who is in charge." Teddy said walking towards the paper. Jay ripped it down and forced it into Al's hand before wrapping Teddy in his arms.

"You got him Teddy. It is all going to be over now." Jay promised him. He felt Teddy grab ahold of his shirt and hold on for his life and felt his tears soak into his shirt. He heard everyone rushing around and running out but his focus was not on them.

Jay's focus was on Teddy. Making sure Teddy was going to be okay. Erin needed him to be okay. He led him to his desk and let Teddy sink onto that as he held him into his chest. Jay leaned his head down and rested it on his, "We got them Teddy...you can breathe now...it is all over. I told you coming home would be a good thing."

He felt Erin's hand on his back and he looked over to his partner. She smiled sadly at him and he tightened his hold on her brother. "It's a whole New World." Teddy said pulling back slightly and looking up at Jay.

"Fantastic point of view...no one can tell us no..." Jay smiled at him and released his hold, only keeping a hand on his shoulder.

"Or where to go or say we're only dreaming..." Teddy said, a smile reaching his eyes for the first time since they had found him.

"Aladdin?" Erin asked looking at them confused..."you watched that last night..." She cocked her head to Jay.

She watched as Jay and Teddy made eye contact and smiled. "Thank you Jay." She said pulling him into a hug.

"Hey Princess, what about me?" Teddy smirked.

"Where have you been staying since you got here?" She asked him.

"Around."

"Halstead?" She asked.

"He came over after I talked to you last night." Jay broke down and told her.

"Before that?"

"I was just walking around Erin...I don't exactly have a place here..."

"So where are you going to stay now?" She asked him.

"Mom said I can stay with her...or..." He looked up to Jay who nodded, "Or I may couch hop til I figure something out."

"What are you two? Best friends now or something?"

Jay and Teddy both started laughing. Erin was jealous at the bond the two of the had obviously developed but at the same time she was so incredibly happy. She shook her head with a smile and walked off to find Nadia and Amy leaving her two favorite guys behind her.


	5. Chapter 5

Coming back to the station knowing that Ross McCadden's wife and daughter were there sucked the joy out of closing the case, not that there was much celebration with cases like this one in the first place. Erin had taken Jay's hand in hers as soon as Jenny had gotten into the car, they had both noticed Adam wrap her in a hug and saw his chin wavering as he let go of her and how he refused to look at Kim who was on the opposite side from him. What had caught their attention the most though was Antonio with a tear making its way down his face and Nadia with her arm around his waist, it looked like he was leaning into her for support having a hard time standing, their team was lost and broken...each and every one of them.

After the call pulled off they walked quietly up the stairs into the unit. Kim hung her head when Adam walked right past her and Roman without even acknowledging her standing there. Everyone knew something had changed, but no one really knew what. Adam went and sat down at his desk and zoned out pretending he was doing paperwork. Kevin quickly finished up all his paperwork and left not too long after to spend time with his sister. Al was back to staring at the wall but Erin knew that he was keeping an eye on Adam and Antonio.

"Let's go." Voight said after spending a couple minutes in his office alone with Olivia.

"Another case already?" Jay asked from his perch on the side of Erin's desk.

"No. We are going to Molly's. All of us." He said as he lead her out and down the stairs. Amaro and Rollins followed them out saying they were going to stop by their hotel to get packed up since they were flying out later that night.

Al got up from his desk and patted Adam on his back, he stood slowly and Al wrapped his arm around his shoulder. Al felt responsible for what Adam was going through, he had pulled him from the Academy and basically gave him a crash course in his kind of police work. Nothing could have prepared him for losing a friend though, something Al knew all too well. "We will meet you there. May be a bit." Al mumbled before leading him out.

That left Jay, Erin, Antonio and Nadia behind, Jay knew that Erin was not going to go until Antonio left so he wasn't going to go anywhere either. "I keep seeing Jules." Antonio finally whispered and Erin ran over to him and wrapped him in her arms. Jules and Antonio had been partnered for years and though Erin had only known her a short while the two of them had become fast friends. Antonio dropped his head into Erin and the sound of his sobs brought tears to Nadia's eyes, she had never even met Jules but saw Antonio stare at her picture often when he thought no one was looking, especially after his wife left him.

Jay walked over to her and pulled her into him, "We are a family...whatever this unit throws at us we will get through it together."

"All of us have lost people we are close to...all of them were very different circumstances and in the past we haven't always been there for each other like we should have been. We need to start acting like a family instead of people who were just thrown into a unit together." Erin said as she pulled back slightly from Antonio. "When Jules died...I wanted to run...we all went our own ways to deal with it instead of coming together."

"Ant...I...you always seemed so together...everything you have been going through...I...I never reached out. I am truly sorry man." Jay mumbled. The emotional stuff was easy enough for him with Erin, but with others...it still seemed weird...out of his comfort zone for sure.

"I leaned on Laura when Jules died...that was when our issues started...I saw how hard it was for her to see me so upset about her...and then Diego...Pulpo...and then when I got shot...she couldn't do it anymore. I started to just hide out at Molly's...going home...to the empty house...it sucks. I didn't want to put any of that on you guys though...you all have your own stuff to think about." Antonio said wiping the tears from his eyes.

"See that is what I am talking about. We always avoid talking about the stuff that is hard because we don't want to be a burden but when our head isn't in the right place...that is when stuff falls through the cracks. We keep stuff in house...all of it...that means the hard stuff too. I have a hard time talking about everything...I talk to Erin but...even that isn't as easy as I would like it to be." Jay told him.

"I am always here to talk if you guys need too. You all know the issues I have had...I see you guys coming and going and I can see the pain in your faces and your smiles not always reaching your eyes but I don't know how to talk to any of you...you are all so strong...I don't have any experience with any of this." Nadia said, still in Jay's arm.

"You are a part of this family too Nadia, don't you ever think any different." Erin told her.

Antonio took a deep breath, "I need to get out before my head explodes."

"To Molly's!" Jay said smiling and releasing Nadia.

The four of them rode together to the bar and walked in at the same time as Al and Adam, finding Voight and Olivia two deep sitting at a table laughing. "You guys get lost?" He asked with a smile.

"Family meeting." Erin smiled at him.

Amaro and Rollins walked in five minutes later and Jay slid them both glasses that Herman had passed to him. "You guys have a great team." Olivia said smiling.

"You do too." Al responded, not taking his eyes off Adam.

The two teams laughed and joked as the hours wore on, the two teams having its own partnerships within who always linked together. A few hours into their evening they said goodbye to their friends from New York, Voight leaving when they did with his arm around Olivia. Adam and Antonio had been very quiet all evening, obviously lost in their own thoughts, trying hard to focus on the conversations at hand but failing. Jay noticed Al looking at his watch and whispered to him that he would take Adam home. He left shortly after, leaving the younger part of the Intelligence Unit alone in the bar.

Nadia had moved so she was between Adam and Antonio at the round table, Erin next to Antonio and Jay with Jay next to Adam. "Voight gave us tomorrow off. I don't want to go home alone tonight so I think that we should have a slumber party. Watch stupid movies and relax at home. Together. My apartment is only a few blocks from here so lets go there." Erin said as she looked around the table. Everyone nodding in return.

"Erin's it is." Jay said standing up and ushering everyone out behind Erin. They all followed her to her apartment when she went to unlock the door she realized that she had left her keys at the office. Jay smirked and reached into his pocket and pulled out the key that he had and tossed it to her. He knew what the team was thinking and he didn't care.

Nadia and Erin went into her bedroom and got changed into sweats and tshirts and came back in the living room to find the the guys sitting on the couch staring at the wall, Jay had pulled out Jungle Book and put it in. When Erin walked back out she threw a blanket at Jay, "Really? You want to go there?" Erin laughed.

"Hey now, this was next on our list." Jay couldn't help but laugh as he saw the others on their team look on confused.

"Jay and I...we started watching Disney movies on our days off..." Erin explained.

"With all the crap we both needed..."

"Something happy in our lives." Erin finished.

"How long have you been doing this for?" Adam asked looking over at Jay.

"Since Maddie was shot." Jay said as his eyes clouded over as he remembered how he felt that night.

"Jay stayed with me for a while until stuff calmed down...and we just kept watching the movies and games and whatever when we weren't working." Erin finished for him, trying to give him an escape. Jay knew he needed to open up to the team or no one else would open up.

"My PTSD was so bad...when she was shot...I couldn't take it...Brett...the firefighter took he home with her after she saw me break down at the hospital...she called Erin...it is hard to talk about...the stuff I went through in the Army...seeing Maddie though...I had known Maddie for years...and she was the first person who took a bullet that was meant for me."

Erin walked over and squeezed herself on the couch between Jay and Adam and Nadia sat down on the floor in front of the couch leaning back against Antonio and Jay. "We work through everything together...Jay was there for me with everything with my mom...and now with Teddy...to the point of having my brother stay at his house without telling me." She smirked at him.

"Our jobs are hard...our pasts have a big part of how we react to different things. This team was put together by people Voight trusted, those who stood up to him and those who were picked by the ones he trusted. None of us really worked together before this unit was formed and even if we knew who each other was we don't really know anything about each other. It seems cheesy...like watching Disney movies together but we have to open up and really trust each other or we will never survive."

"Voight chose me because I got him arrested...we crossed patches a few times when I worked narcotics..." Antonio said. "Since Jules was killed...I couldn't even hardly look at Laura...then when Diego was snatched...she took the kids and went to stay at her damn sisters house."

"Al pulled me from academy...Ross was my home room instructor and we have been hanging out watching games and stuff since I started...I've seen a handful of dead perps now but shit...all of this is so new and a then to see my Buddy...you just never know when your time is up and who has your back when it really matters."

"You guys saved my life...pulled me off he street and straight into the unit. Anything I can ever do for you guys to repay you...I owe you all my life." Nadia said softly.

"Girl you saved our asses when it mattered and you have been great...this week helping with Amy...and earlier with Antonio...you have shown us what it means to have someone's back on this team. You have been here for all of us." Erin told her.

Jay looked over at Antonio and saw the tears in his eyes again at the mention of what happened a few hours ago. He put his arm around him and pulled him into his chest, holding his head against him. Antonio's arm slid down when Jay pulled him over and it brushed against Nadia, she turned towards him and took his hand in hers and held it.

Erin of course felt Jay move and the tears spilled from her eyes as she saw Antonio break down. Adam turned and wrapped her in his arms and buried his face in her hair, allowing himself to cry for the first time. Erin hooked one arm through Jay's and held onto Adam's with her other hand.

Jay looked down at Nadia and saw the tears in her eyes and smiled. "We will get through this together." He whispered softly while leaNing his head against the top of Antonio's.


	6. Chapter 6

None of them knew how long they had been sitting like that, holding each other, crying with each other, it could have been one hour or five but none of them cared. It was the first time they allowed themselves to feel comfortable enough with each other and trusted each other enough to truly let out all the pent up emotions that they had all been carrying as individuals. Now they were carrying each other. The Jungle Book had long since been over and Erin reached over and pushed the button to restart it simply so she did not have to listen to the same song on repeat another time. She took the time to look around at her team, her family and felt more relaxed than she ever remembered feeling. She saw Nadia yawn and felt Adam's weight on her for the first time, the emotional splurge had left him, and everyone else completely exhausted. Antonio was still crying softly and Jay was still holding him tight, the sparkle was back in his eyes though when his met hers. She nodded to Nadia to get up and gently leaned Adam into the couch before untangling her arm from Jay's and standing up.

The girls went into the bedroom and came out a couple minutes later wearing sweats, dragging a mattress and carrying an enormous pile of blankets. Erin silently made up the bed for Adam and got him tucked in without even really waking him up. "I don't think he has slept in days..." Nadia whispered as she turned out the majority of the lights in the apartment.

"I don't think any of us have really slept." Jay said looking at Erin. "You two go in and sleep in the bed..oh but Er can you switch the movie first?"

She smiled at him and pulled out Friends and started the first disc of season one. Nadia said goodnight and went into Erin's bedroom. Erin pushed Antonio and Jay over so that Jay was able to lean into the corner of the couch, "Have you gone to visit her?" Erin asked Antonio. He looked up at her, lifting his head for the first time and sitting up away from Jay, he loosened his hold but kept his arm around his shoulder, with guilty eyes Antonio nodded but did not speak. "Me too. I miss her like crazy."

"Nothing has been the same since she was killed...not at work...not at home. I am so totally lost I don't know what to do and for years I had always gone to her when I needed someone to talk to...I still...when I...it is automatic...but she never answers her phone...it is a nightmare every time." He said as a fresh round of tears begins to fall.

"Antonio why haven't you said anything...to any of us?" Erin asked him, but he didn't hear. He was lost again. Jay pulled him into his chest once again and held his friend in his arms. Erin slowly stood up and laid a blanket over top of Antonio and another one on Jay's lap. She bent over the side of the couch and kissed Jay softly on the temple, "if you need me..."

"We will be good. You will be giving me a back massage tomorrow though...and we totally need to buy you a new couch. Try and sleep Lindsay." She tousled his hair before walking down the hall and going into her bedroom.

* * *

><p>"How often does Jay stay here?" Erin heard Nadia ask with a chuckle.<p>

"Why?"

"Your bed smells like him."

"Oh...hmm...I hadn't noticed." Erin said trying to brush it off.

"Liar." Nadia said as Erin climbed into the bed.

"After the hit...I dunno he stays here some nights I stay there others...it isn't like that though so don't get any ideas." Erin said switching off her bedside lamp.

"Is everyone going to be okay?" Nadia asked after a few seconds of silence.

"We always make it through...we have all been through a lot."

"Adam hasn't...and Antonio...Laura wants a divorce...I heard them on the phone the other day..."

"We have each others back Nadia...we will make it through. Things may not always be the same or even how we want them but we will make it through."

"I just wish I could do more."

"You have been amazing. We saw you holding Antonio up...making sure he got upstairs...you are our eyes...we are not always in the office together so we may miss things...you see everything though...if you ever are concerned about anyone or anything just text one of us...things are going to change...after tonight I don't think anything can go back to how it was."

"I think Adam and Kim are done...she didn't hug him or even say anything after Ross was killed...she was there when Adam...Kevin told me...I guess she is so worried about whether or not she will make it into the unit that she cared more about that than Adam."

"She is a good cop...but Voight saw it a long time ago...those of us in the unit...we didn't WANT to be in it...that is why we are in it...when Adam got all cocky about it Voight put him in his place by making him spend a shift with Kim...we do things different...you either get it or you don't."

"We should get up early and make breakfast before the guys get up...and see if Kevin can come over and join...I kinda feel bad that he wasn't here tonight."

"He has his sister. Kim told me about her...he was with her...the rest of us...we don't really have a family to go home to...but yes...text him now. Tell him to be here at nine with a shit ton of coffee."

Nadia giggled and rolled over to grab her phone. She got a response right away and satisfied she put her phone down and they fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Jay held Antonio into him as he cried himself to sleep. Jay was scared to death for Antonio, he had always looked up to him, he always seemed to put together and sure of himself and now he knows it was all an act. When Antonio's head slid forward on his shoulder and Jay knew he was asleep he himself closed his eyes and drifted off to an uneasy sleep.<p>

Four hours later the sun rising above the clouds woke him up. He gently laid Antonio down on the couch and he grabbed one of Erin's blankets and went out and sat on the balcony to watch the sun come up. Less than two minutes later Jay felt a hand on his shoulder and he pulled his partner around and she curled herself onto his lap with her head on his shoulder and he wrapped the blanket around her. "Chicago is beautiful." He whispered.

"Even when it isn't." She whispered back.

Jay leaned his head onto hers and sighed. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" He asked, barely above a whisper.

"Not when you were sober." She told him while wrapping her arms around him. "I love you too Halstead."

"Are we going to be okay?"

"Eventually."

"Partners."

"Don't ever leave me." Erin whispered sleepily.

"Never." Jay whispered as he closed his eyes.

* * *

><p>Nadia woke up a little after eight and noticed the bed was empty. She slowly got up and grabbed a sweatshirt and walked out into the living room. Adam was on the mattress snoring softly and Antonio was asleep on the couch. Nadia smiled to herself when she looked out onto the balcony and found Jay and Erin holding each other in the freezing cold asleep. She tapped on the window and winked when Erin lifted her head up. She watched as Erin kissed him on the cheek to wake him up before she walked over to tv and flipped it on. She turned on Big Bang Theory and lifted Adam's head onto her lap as she sat on the mattress with her back leaning on the couch. She turned a little and ran her fingers along Antonio's cheek tracing the tear stains that remained gently waking him up. "Kev's gonna be here in a half hour...didn't know if you wanted to freshen up before he got here."<p>

"I look that bad huh?" He asked with a sad smile. "Thanks Kid." He said getting up slowly and walking into the bathroom.

She turned her attention back to Adam, he was new, pulled from Academy...she was actually a couple months older than he was but their lives were drastically different. "Wakey wakey." She whispered to him as she pulled his long hair.

"MMmmm too sleepy still." He mumbled as he rolled into her wrapping his arm around her waist and snuggling into her.

"Kevin's gonna be here soon." Nadia told him and he slowly opened his bloodshot eyes. She wondered what she looked like, because judging by the two of them they all looked like hell.

"Too comfortable." He said closing his eyes again and hugging her a little bit tighter. Nadia rolled her eyes and ran her fingers through his hair. Touch...touch is what Adam needed. She could do that. He knew it and knew it wouldn't be awkward later. He kept his eyes closed as he thought about everything that had happened with this case, losing Ross, losing his innocence and unwavering cockiness. He no longer saw himself as unbreakable.

Nadia saw a tear slide from his closed eye and caught it with her thumb, "Adam?" She whispered.

"Please don't stop..." he whispered with a shakey voice, "need a minute."

She felt Erin walk over to her to see if they were okay. Nadia nodded and Erin went into the kitchen with Jay and started getting stuff out to make pancakes. Jay opened the door after the first knock when Kevin got there, right as Antonio was walking out of the bathroom, even after washing his face his eyes were still puffy and bloodshot. "Damn man what did I miss last night? Coffee here." He said lifting up the box and setting it on the counter.

"Family meeting." Jay smirked.

"And slumber party." Erin said as she flipped a pancake.

"Y'all good?" Kevin asked patting Antonio on the back and pulling him into a quick hug.

"No...but we will be." Antonio answered honestly.

"Things will be changing in the unit...we are going to start switching up partners and actually talking to each other from now on." Jay told him.

"Where Adam and Nadia at?"

Erin pointed to the couch and he looked over and saw the top of Nadia's head. They continued talking in the kitchen but Nadia's focus went back to Adam. "Look at me." She told him, he opened his eyes slowly and looked up into hers with more tears sliding down. Nadia wiped them with her thumb and traced his eye brows with her finger and slid her hand down his cheek. "Promise me you wont wait so long next time if you need this."

"Thank you." He said as he wiped his own face and rolled so he was on his back looking up at her instead of curled around her. "I haven't had this before...everything's always been sex or nothin...didn't know what I had been missin out on."

"Hey Adam...I am serious...you know where to find me..." She said pulling his hair one more time before pushing him off of her as she stood up. She went into the kitchen and joined in on the conversation to give him the time he needed.

No one commented on him being the last one to the party or about the tear stains on his face, Antonio with his matching tear stains put his hand on his back when he walked up and handed him a coffee and they all chatted through breakfast, the late morning and halfway through the afternoon. At three they all heard their phones going off at the same time. Nadia was the only one with hers in her pocket and looked at the text. "We've got a case. Meet at the office at five."


	7. Chapter 7

They all piled in Kevin's car and went to the station. Al arrived at the same time as they were piling out of the car and noticed that other than Kevin, Jay and Erin they were all wearing the same clothes they had been in yesterday...he also noticed the haggard look that Antonio and Adam were sporting. They all filed into the unit and Al went straight into Voight's office and closed the door behind him as the team sat down quietly at their desks.

"Whatever case this is...I don't know if they are up for it yet." Al explained to him what he had seen.

"No case this time Al. The new commander is demanding we meet with the shrink..." Hank reassured him, slightly, they both knew that if even one of them told them how they were doing they would not be approved to start any new cases.

"That's not going to..."

"You think I don't know that? Get Erin and Halstead in here now." Voight barked at his best friend who proceeded to open the door and yell to Halstead and Lindsay.

They got up in sync and walked in step together into the office. "What is this new case Hank?". Erin asked.

"Shrink is coming in a half hour. We don't get any new cases til the whole team is cleared." Voight told them.

Jay and Erin looked at each other...still very much in sync. "Someone want to tell me what the hell went on last night after we left Molly's". Al growled before Voight had the chance.

"Family meeting." Jay and Erin said together, laughing when Al and Hank looked at them confused.

"Explain yourselves." Voight grimaced.

"No one wanted to go home alone..."

"...so we all went to Erin's place to watch a movie..."

"...but no one was watching so Jay..."

"...told them about the stuff I have been dealing with and about how talking to Erin and spending time together outside of work..."

"...has helped him...and me to function better at work. We told them that we had to be more like a family and trust each other enough to talk about what is going on..."

"...so that is what we did...slept a little...Atwater came over this morning with coffee and we talked some more..."

"...so what does this shrink want us to prove?" Erin finished as the two of them turned back to look at Hank.

"The two of you...what the hell...how the hell much time have you been spending together?" They shrugged, still in sync and they could hear Al snicker, "They need to know if everyone's heads are in the game."

"We are closer than yesterday." Jay answered.

"Adam and Antonio...they are struggling...we will get there though." Erin told them.

"Think they can hold it together and answer right?" Al asked.

"Give us ten minutes." Jay answered with confidence.

"Would you trust them in the field?" Voight asked.

"Without a second thought Hank." Erin answered.

"When we have time to think is when it gets hard." Jay told him.

"You said you need ten...you have eight. I will have Trudy stall but you get your asses down to the conference room. Do not be late." Hank told them as he and Al got up and walked out of the office and downstairs leaving Jay and Erin alone In the office.

"How do we do this?" Jay asked looking towards Erin.

"Like this..." Erin smiled with a spring in her step out of the office. "Okay guys so we don't have an actual case until we convince the shrink that is waiting downstairs that we are all perfectly peachy and ready to get back... I for one know I am not okay but I also know that sitting on my ass while these scum bags try to take over my city will only make me worse. I know you guys feel the same so answer their questions like you need to in order for the unit to get cleared and we will have a family meeting after to decompress...maybe with a little booze."

"I've been fakin it this long, what's another couple hours to satisfy the suits." Antonio muttered sarcastically.

Erin looked over at Adam and saw that he was nervous. "It is okay to say it has been a hard couple weeks...they already know that...they want to know that our head is in the game enough to send us back out in the field."

"Which we already proved we were this last week so what is the point?" Kevin asked.

"Required to see them at least once after an officer involved shooting or anything that caught the news...took them a month to get to me after Jules...they must have had a slow week." Antonio said shaking his head.

"Two minutes to get down there before Voight kills us." Jay said ushering the entire team out and down the stairs.

* * *

><p>Voight and Al were quite impressed with the show the team was putting on during the psychological evaluation. Every time one of them would start to struggle someone else would interrupt. Both of them knew that Erin and Jay were the true leaders of this unit and saw how much the entire team respected...and loved each other. It reminded he two of them of their first unit together.<p>

Three exhausting hours later the team was cleared and walking back up the stairs to the unit. "Be back here Monday at eight. Do whatever you need to do between now and then and call if you need anything." Voight said before walking into the office and closing the door behind him.

Erin nodded to Jay and he smiled sadly to her before she got up and let herself into his office. She found him sitting at his desk looking at a photo of the two of them that had been taken not long after she had moved in with the Voights. "You have grown up so much since then Kid... I am so proud of you." He said with tears in his eyes.

"I wouldnt be here if it weren't for you." Erin told him as she sat down on the edge of his desk.

"This team...it saved both of us...I haven't been part of a real team since my first unit with Al..."

"That was an entire century ago. Damn old man it's no wonder you can be such a dick sometimes." She said with a smile.

"Thanks for that." He said with a chuckle.

"Last night and today Hank...we are going to change things in here...we are going to rotate partners and we are all going to learn to have each other's backs...that includes you and Al."

"Which one of us is the Sargent here Kid?" He jokingly asked.

"You know it needs to happen...all of us have stuff we are good at and stuff we stuggle with because of our pasts...if we mix it up we can get a better balance on our team...know when to stand up and when to hold back."

"I am still not a fan of in house romances." He said leaning back and crossing his arms.

"And I am not a fan of you meddling with my personal life Dad." Erin said rolling her eyes.

"Send everyone home to shower then meet back at Molly's. That show you guys pulled off...tonight I'm buying."

Erin walked out into the bullpen and passed on the message to be at Molly's by ten. As she watched her team walk out the door she felt an arm wrap around her shoulder and she leaned into it. "I'll meet you at your place in a half hour." Jay whispered in her ear before swiping his jacket from the back of her chair and walking down the stairs.

"How you managed to get them both wrapped around your finger is a mystery to me." Al said as he put his arm around her shoulders and led her out and down to the parking lot, "See you in an hour Linds."

* * *

><p>When she got out of the shower she could hear her TV on and knew Jay had let himself in, she hurried to get dressed and threw her wet hair up into a messy pony tail. "How are you holding up Halstead?" She asked as she plopped herself down on the couch next to him.<p>

"Hard to see everyone struggling...you have been amazing though...knowing exactly what to say and do..."

"Me? You are the one who told everyone about...everything and then held Antonio all night...I just had everyone come over."

"Voight listens to you."

"I told him to butt out of my personal life." Erin said, and smiled when she turned her eyes from the TV to Jay's horrified expression. "Relax...the next thing he told me was that he was buying tonight...so let's go before he changes his mind."

Jay stood up shaking his head and tossed her his hoodie and shrugged on another one that was almost identical. "How many of these do you have?" Erin asked as she put it on and zipped it up.

"A few." He said smiling, "I can't help it if I know what I like."

When they walked into Molly's they found Hank, Al and Kevin sitting around one of the bigger tables in the corner. Erin made her way to the stool next to Hank and Jay sat down next to her. He slid them both a glass with his favorite whiskey. "You better take care of my girl Halstead." He grunted.

"You know I will." Jay told him.

When Erin saw Voight nod in approval she reached both her arms out hitting the two of them. "Really?" She asked giving them both a death stare.

"Damn Al, which one you think she gonan kill first?" Kevin asked, the two of them laughing.

By the time Adam walked over a minute later the whole table was cracking up. He sat down next to Al who wrapped his arm around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Adam looked over at him like he had lost his marbles, "I love you Kid." Al told him as he kissed him one more time. The uncharacteristic display of affection made Jay and Erin smile, they had been around long enough to know it was either all or nothing with the older generation.

Antonio came in ten minutes later followed shortly by Nadia who had perfectly curled hair and make up as usual. "Now that you are all here we are going to discuss what happened earlier during that three hour bullshit fest." Hank said trying to sound serious. "You guys are fucking amazing and I could not have dreamed of a better team to work with. Now having said that, Erin tells me things are going to change. You are numbered in order of when you started working with me and you will rotate through. Nadia I have you enrolled in the starter classes for academy. We will be doing a lot of your training ourselves like we did with Adam but there are a few things you need to do before we can do that. We will have at least one night a week where we do dinner or drinks or something away from work. And as much as I hate it we will all participate in solo counseling. One hour each month is mandatory but you can go as often as you need."

"A shrink? Really Hank?". Erin asked annoyed at the last part.

"You tell me there isnt at least one thing each of you is dealing with and I will take it back...but seeing as you all had a pow wow at your house last night..."

"Give me a damn drink." Erin said with a humph. As much as she hated it she knew he was right.

The more alcohol the team got in their system the more they relaxed and opened up. Al told the team that his wife was dating, Antonio told them Laura was keeping the kids away, Kevin talked about how he was raising his sister with the help of his Aunt because both of his parents were in jail. Hell, Hank even told the team about how hard it was for him to see Justin and Olive together because it made him miss Camille. Nadia shared her experiences with NA. Jay and Erin stayed pretty quiet all night as they had shared their stories the night before.

The later it got the more Erin leaned into Jay, he had his arm wrapped around her shoulders and could not believe that Hank had not killed him yet. Around one Hank and Al left, a half hour later Kevin left with Nadia saying he would drop her off at her apartment. Antonio left with his sister at two When they officially closed the bar.

At two thirty Herman told Jay to take Erin and Adam home so he could leave. Jay smiled and thanked him for letting them take over the bar before dragging the two of them out into the cold.

They had become a family. Everyone knew that the next few weeks, he'll, maybe years would be hard at times but they all knew that their team had their back anytime day or night.


End file.
